I have the right to walk over your face anytime I wish, day or night.

I have the right to observe and comment on any and all bathroom behavior. Further, I have the right to be highly offended by any closed door.

I have the right to smell your shoes to determine if you have been fraternizing or cavorting or frolicking with any highly questionable animals.

I have the right to assist in any food preparation, cooking, cleaning or eating event that may occur in the home.

I have the right to wake you at three in the morning if I find my food dish is not to my satisfaction.

I have the right to tip over any water container I deem unsuitable for consumption.

I have the right to meow at squirrels and birds that may dare to pass my windows.

I have the right to inspect any grocery items that come into the home. Further, I have the right to inhabit any paper bag or cardboard box that you bring home for as long as I wish.

I have the right to nap at any time and place I darn well please, without the distraction of being called or moved just because you want to sit down, wash your hands or use your computer keyboard.

I have the right to assist in the changing of bed linens and to chase the phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.

I have the right to look aloof when scolded for mistaking your toes for one of those pesky phantom creatures that hide beneath the sheets.

I have the right to kill paper towel rolls that otherwise might sneak up on you.

I have the right to sleep on top of any appliance that is warm.

I have the right to your complete attention anytime you sit down to read or work.

And, finally, I have the right to be loved, petted, pampered, and entertained, for, as you know, the best things in life … purr.

And, should you err in your ways, I will graciously forgive you. After all, you are only human, but I love you anyway.

Signed, The CAT