Y'know, I was thinking....ok, ok...I know it's dangerous and I should be careful, but I couldn't help it!

Years ago I was extremely active in the singles group at my church, and it was a wonderful time of friendships, fun, laughter, growth and blessings, and I remember it fondly. Now, as happens in most singles groups, most of my friends married or moved on in their lives, and the circle of friends I had then has grown apart. Oh, I still keep in touch with a few of them, and even though we may not see each other very often, when we do spend time together it's like we've never been apart. I treasure those friendships, and am happy to know that they're really forever friendships because we're Christians.

However, in so many ways our lives have taken divergent paths, and while we still have our friendship and common memories, we have little in common at this time of our lives. The friends I do keep in touch with are married and have small children now, and their world is naturally revolving around all of that. I don't begrudge them in any way, but sometimes I miss the 'good old days' we shared.

It's also hard to connect at times precisely because our lives have taken such different directions. I've never married and have no kids, and while I have an intellectual understanding of what it means to be a spouse and a parent, I have no experiential base of knowledge, which leaves me with only so much I can contribute. Theories are great, but theories that have been practiced and proven are even better

Then I look at my church involvement...to be honest, right now I'm not. Involved in any church, that is. And I do recognize the need for and necessity of being active in the body of Christ, and I'm the first to tell anyone how important it is. And yet, here I am, not attending church and not active in any fellowship. Why, I ask myself? It's hard to come up with a clear and specific reason...so many vaguely formed thoughts are bouncing around inside my head. I'm tired of feeling that I'm supposed to be in a singles group or some other group. I don't want to go back to my old church and get caught up in the old dynamics that revolved around being in the singles group. I'm tired of the some people want to place me into a single category. I don't want my singleness to be the defining factor of my Christianity. And yet, what alternatives do I have?

Most churches these days have categorized and compartmentalized their congregations into clearly defined groups and don't leave many opportunities for crossing their boundaries. Oh, sometimes there's a 'women's' meeting where single and married women come together, but even then, quite often the focus is on marriage and motherhood.

Where is the focus on being a Christian? I think that's the cry of my heart. I don't want to be boxed into a category, no matter what it is. I don't want to be defined by my marital status and placed in the category of 'single' or 'wife' or 'mother'. I don't want to have my life so narrowly defined. I want more than that...

I want my life to encompass all that comes with being a Christian. The categories of single, wife, mother, woman are secondary to the most important category and calling of my life...Christian. And I want to find a church that heeds that calling.

Please don't get me wrong...I don't think that churches that have all the different ministries are neglecting that. In many ways, they're facilitating that and quite often that can only be done by ministering to specific needs. But I think that the danger in being so specific is that we lose the commonality we all have with one another as Christians and the common bond we share in Christ.

Yes, we all have different roles...wives, mothers, fathers, husbands, sons, daughters, singles, but before those descriptions of our identities comes the most important one...CHRISTIAN. And that's the one I hunger in which to grow.

And that leads me to this...I want to find a church where I can become an integral part of the body, using my gifts, growing as a Christian, fellowshipping, regardless of my status in life and the status of others. I want to find a church where the common bond of our Christianity is the central theme, and where marital status isn't a big deal. I want to be able to walk into that church and be welcomed as a fellow believer, and not directed to the singles ministry. I know it's out there, I just need to find it!

Want a good laugh? The only time I really experienced that kind of fellowship was in my old singles group Yep, you heard right! Our singles group was blessed with the most wonderful pastor...Pastor Tim Clements. Pastor Tim took a singles group that had been inundated with hundreds of messages about relationships, given charts on how to ensure you weren't moving too fast, and other assorted handouts that were meant to be helpful and turned us toward seeking God and growing in Him instead of looking to relationships for the answers we needed.

Week after week our services were about growing in our faith, seeking God, serving Him, knowing Him. Every so often the topic of relationships would come up, but never with the desperation we'd previously known. Instead the focus was on ourselves and becoming the person God intended us to be. We were Christians who happened to be single rather than singles who happened to be Christians, and there's a world of difference between the two.

Having known that difference I long for it once again. I know...I know what the difference is, and everything within me rebels at the idea of attending a church that doesn't recognize that. One of the saddest days of my life was when Pastor Tim left the singles group and went into a new ministry. I tried to stay with the singles group and carry on as I knew he'd want, but the new leadership had come from the leadership prior to Pastor Tim, and things soon fell back into the old pattern. It was a heartbreaking change for me, and I became discouraged and gradually stopped attending.

So now I find myself here, desiring to be in fellowship again, and afraid that I may not find what I'm looking for. I'm not trying to recreate that time...I know things change and we can't bring the past back, but I want to find something that feeds my soul and where I'm seen as a Christian, not a single.

Maybe I should begin by looking for a church without a singles group good idea, eh?

Thanks for listening while I thought this all out


- posted by Kimberly @ 11:40 PM

 
What a long week it's been! Work has been extremely busy, and by the time I've gotten home each evening all I've wanted to do is read and relax. Posting in the forums I visit regularly and writing in my blog haven't been on my list (as you can see!) but now that the freedom of the weekend is here I'm motivated

Being a team lead is practically being a supervisor, and that's been really obvious this week. I've had to train new proofreaders, answer questions, return corrections to typists, field complaints about those corrections, sort and distribute the work, and other assorted interruptions. Wednesday was the worst, and by the time lunch rolled around I was ready to go home! I'm thankful the weekend is finally here.

One of my favorite things about my drive to work is the view as I head east. In the distance the Sierra Nevada rise up from the foothills and give me the feeling of living in Washington state. When I was a teenager we lived in Tacoma and on McChord AFB for a couple of years, and I fell in love with the scenery and the weather up there. I love being near mountains...somehow they speak to my soul, and I feel at home. It's hard to describe, and I'm not sure why I feel that way, but to this day I'd rather live near (or in) mountains. One of my favorite psalms is the 121st psalm, which reads:

I will lift up my eyes to the hills-- From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

A favorite worship song of mine is derived from that psalm:

I lift my eyes up
unto the mountains
where does my help come from?
My help comes from You,
Maker of heaven
Creater of the earth.

Oh how I need You, Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
And I will wait for You
to come and rescue me
Come and give me life

Maybe mountains represent God and His refuge to me...something to ponder further, I think I'll let you know what I figure out

Anyway, on some mornings as I drive to work, I have the most wonderful view of the Sierras. Yesterday morning the sky was clear and I could see them, covered with snow and rising above the horizon. A few days before that I couldn't see them, but I could see the clouds piled on top of them like whipped cream on a banana split.

One of the wonderful blessings about where I work is the landscaping. The building I work in is on a corner lot, and is surrounded by tall redwood trees and other types of trees as well At the back of the building is a fence, and on the other side of the fence are homes, and they also have lots of trees growing. The view from a window in the suite I work looks as if there's a garden outside. That 'garden' is where some cute little gray squirrels live, and they provide hours of entertainment. Our security guard walks the perimeter of the building all day, and many of the squirrels are tame enough to take food from his hands. Quite often, if you sit outside to eat lunch, an inquisitive squirrel will approach you and sit on its hinds legs gazing at you hopefully, and it's usually so cute you're willing to sacrifice a bit of your lunch to make it happy.

Yesterday as I was leaving the building for lunch I walked past a tree then stopped when I heard a noise and saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look at the tree, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. But I knew better I cautiously began walking around the tree, and stopped when I saw a little squirrel head peek around the trunk then jerk back when it saw me! I edged around the tree a bit further, and I could hear the rasp of the squirrel's claws as it darted around the trunk away from me. I moved back the other direction and saw the squirrel again, and it dashed up the tree onto a branch just out of my reach and began chittering at me as if to scold me for scaring it

Yeah, a squirrel is a rodent (some call it a tree rat), but it's cute!

Did I say this already? Spring is showing its face a bit more each day, and I love it. My two favorite seasons are spring and autumn. Both are seasons of transition, and aren't extremes, as winter and summer are.

Trees are beginning to bud and bloom, bulb flowers are blooming, the grass is green instead of the browns and yellows of winter, and the sun is rising earlier and setting later. The days are warming up, and I'm motivated to do some spring cleaning

Going back to my week...I usually vote in the morning before going to work on election day, but I was running late this time so I stopped at my polling place on the way home and voted then. I felt poorly informed with this election. It snuck up on me and I haven't been listening to the usual talk radio or watching any local TV. I ended up voting for what I recognized and leaving the rest blank if it wasn't a primary vote for some seat in some office. I did know, however, that I didn't want to vote for John Boyd for city council...his people put a sign in my yard without permission, and that irked me.

I'm happy to say that Prop. 56 was voted down, while 57 and 58 passed. Mr. Kerry won the democratic nomination here in California, which was no surprise to me. California is full of liberals who don't know how to reason and run on emotion when it comes to politics, and there are some really stupid wacky liberals out here. (sorry, but if you don't THINK about your politics and examine facts and use reason, but are running on emotions and propaganda, then you fall into the stupid wacky category, conservative OR liberal).

I'm thankful that hope for humanity doesn't lie in politics, or I'd be a basket case. Our true hope lies in God, and while working on changes on the political level is well and good, we Christians should be working even harder on the personal level with our friends, family, co-workers, neighbors...anyone around us...to bring about change in their hearts. Letting the Holy Spirit work through us to touch their lives and to witness of God's salvation and plan for humanity will do far more to improve our nation than any political change ever will.

Someone who has a heart for God desires to follow God and seek His will, and when that happens, all else falls into place. They may not always get things right, and may make mistakes, but I believe that those mistakes aren't as harmful as those of someone who is against God and the things of God.

That's why I love President Bush. I don't agree with every single thing he's done, but I truly believe that he's a man of God and is seeking His will, and therefore he's a person I can trust do do his best to seek God's will and do the right thing with the information he has at that time.

Guess who I'm voting for in this year's Presidential election?

- posted by Kimberly @ 6:55 PM

 
A friend of mine sent me a link to President Bush's Hotmail account...y'all should check it out!

It's been a busy few days for me at work, and by the time I get home all I want to do is chill...not this kind of chill ...THIS kind of chill And so I have. And for a reader like me, that makes me

I'll have a new post up here no later than Saturday.




- posted by Kimberly @ 8:50 PM

 
Ok, I think I'm ready for a full-fledged panic attack! I just discovered that the evangelical outpost has listed this blog as a reciprical link, and while that's a good thing, it's also rather frightening A blog that well-done and informative posting a link to this? Oh. My. Gosh.

Does this mean I'm going to have to step up the informative aspects of my blog and lean away from the personal ramblings? Does this mean I need to apply myself to a much more serious contemplation of politics? Does this mean I need to focus more on theology? Does this mean I need to be....intellectual??? *watches as her friends and family gasp in horror*



Ok, here's what you're gonna get here...lots of personal ramblings mixed with my thoughts about religion, politics and our world today. I'll even add links! And I'll never quit using smileys! A smiley is worth a thousand words...or something like that!

We have an election coming up on Tuesday, and I haven't even paid attention to it. I think it's time to do something about that! There's a big city council election, and I'm especially unhappy with one of the candidates because one of his volunteers left a sign supporting him in my front yard WITHOUT my permission!

I'm definately voting no on Prop. 56 which, if passed, will only make it easier for politicians to raise taxes. Over $600 of what I earn each MONTH goes to taxes!!! And the Democrats want me to make it easier for them to continue doing that? In your dreams, buster!!!

Hmmmm...I think I've figured out how to know how to vote...do the opposite of the recommendations of the Sacramento Bee!

Well, time for a grocery store run...No wild parties in here, ok?

HEY!!! I said NO WILD PARTIES!



Yeah, right...






- posted by Kimberly @ 5:42 PM

 
What a great weekend I've had so far! Yesterday was a full and busy day, and one that was full of God's grace. It began with getting up a bit late, and wasting time until about noon. I wanted to leave the house at 11am, but I needed to write a special letter for my niece who turned 16 at the end of December. Due to finances and everyone's schedules we didn't get together to celebrate it until yesterday.

I wrote her letter, then left the house for my shopping expedition. First I went to a paper store and bought some beautiful translucent vellum...pink with faint script on it, and a darker pink flower on the upper right hand corner and lower left hand corner. I found a beautiful pale pink heavy cardstock envelope that had to be folded and sealed, then I bought a burgundy pen to write the letter with. To seal and decorate the envelope I bought some 3 dimensional flower stickers and a seal that was also a 3 dimensional sticker.

After my stop at the paper store, I headed to Michaels to look for a few other items. A small gauzy fabric bag to put a necklace in was my main objective. I found a beautiful burgundy one with beads dangling from the bottom.

Then it was on to Walmart for some non-birthday related items...some hand gardening tools, a kneepad, some gardening gloves, and a white tank top to wear under my lime green windbreaker. I also bought 3 books for myself...yes, I'm an avid reader and unfortunately I'm also fast and devour books I especially love to read romances , Christian whenever possible. The 3 books are "The Sweetest Gift" by Jillian Hart, "A Family for Tory" by Margaret Daley and "Two Hearts" by Cynthia Rutledge.

Once I was done at Walmart, I headed off to Berean Christian Bookstore, where I bought a card for Jenice as well as a gift copy of Max Lucado's "You are Special" and a silver necklace. I'd prayed that God would lead me to find the perfect necklace for her, and I did! I knew it when I saw it, although it took me 20 minutes to find it, and it was in front of me all the time! It was a beautiful small cross that dangled from a chain, and on each side of the cross on the chain are two silver daisies. A perfect gift for a 16 year old girl!

I also splurged and bought two books for myself..."Sisterchicks Do the Hula!" by Robin Jones Gunn and "Hidden Things" by Andrea Boeshaar.

Once I was done at Berean, I finally made it to Arden Fair Mall where I bought Jenice a $50 gift certificate good at any store in the mall.

Then it was time for the mad dash to Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Sacramento. I still had to rewrite my letter to Jenice on the vellum, which took me nearly 40 minutes. I was about 20 minutes late getting inside, but almost everyone else was running late, so it didn't matter.

The Old Spaghetti Factory in downtown Sacramento is inside an old train depot. It's beautifully decorated in turn of the century style and has a train car in the main dining room. This particular restaurant is long and narrow, and the windows facing the train tracks (that are still in use) are floor to ceiling and arched.

Eventually everyone showed up and we ordered. I had the chicken breast marinated in olive oil, garlic and lemon juice then brushed with oregano and butter, served with a side of pasta covered with marinara and mizithra cheese. My mom ordered a large side of broccoli lightly steamed with olive oil and sprinkled with mizithra cheese, and I helped her eat it

While we were enjoying my dinner, someone came and stood behind my chair, said my name and leaned down...I stared in shock...it was an old friend of mine, Steve!!! He and I used to be part of a group of friends from the singles group at my old church, and we hung out together all the time. He's married now, with a beautiful wife and 2 children. He was at the restaurant with a group of men from his church for a father/daughter dinner. His daughter Kaitlyn is beautiful It was wonderful seeing him, but also wistful. I'm about the only person left from our group of friends still unmarried. I'd love to be married, but only to the right man, so most of the time I'm content in my singleness, because I'd rather be single and deal with loneliness than be married and unhappy. It's the lesser struggle, I think.

After dinner I headed home and spent some time in my chatroom chatting, and also watching a French version of Beauty and the Beast filmed in 1946. It was a nice movie, and interesting to see how they relied on atmosphere rather than special effects for the drama.

I also began reading "Sisterchicks Do the Hula!" last night. It's a wonderful book and had me really laughing out loud at parts of it.

I finally went to bed around 11pm or so, and slept through the night. I woke up to a bright and sunny morning, and was motivated to change into my exercising clothes and ride my bike, so I did! I rode about 2.5-3 miles and it was fun. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to ride a bike...the drone of the wheels on the pavement, the rythymic pump of the pedals, the wind blowing through my hair, the pleasant ache of muscles...I think I'm hooked!

When I got home I realized I'd locked myself out of the house! Fortunately my roommate was awake, but she was taking a bath. I stood in the backyard near the bathroom window waiting until I heard the water quit running, then I quietly called her name and asked her to unlock the front door. She and I both got a good laugh out of that!

I went back to bed and finished reading "Sisterchicks Do the Hula!"...It had me laughing out loud in places again and rejoicing in God's love and grace in others.

It left me with a wonderful feeling of peace and an assurance about God and His love...all Robin's books do that for me, but these two that aren't romances are special.

And the women are both 40, which is neat, but are also wives and mothers, which I've never been and don't fully identify with. But it's still a really good book and that's not the focus of it at all. I wish she'd write about someone near 40 who's never been married, though!

Oh!!!! An absolutely special thing just happened!!! A hummingbird came and hovered in front of the window to my computer room! It was looking inside and was beautiful. Now a squirrel is in the branches of the avocado tree, chittering and twitching its tail as it scampers around. I love my yard, and I love this view God has blessed me! I also just noticed that the trees in my neighbor's yard across the street are beginning to bloom...they're covered with delicate pink blossoms. Spring is just around the corner!

Back to the Sisterchicks book...if you love Hawai'i and you enjoy reading about women who are great friends, then this is a book for you!

May God's richest blessings pour over you today, and may you see Him in His creation and grow in the knowledge of His boundless love for you!


- posted by Kimberly @ 10:52 AM