Shadowlands
I guess I was in the mood for a 4 hankie movie tonight...I popped "Shadowlands" into the DVD player and began by watching some of the interviews before the movie.
Douglas Grisham and Debra Winger both said things that really struck me...
Douglas said, "All human relationships are doomed to end in pain; that is the price we pay for love. Now we can make the choice...we can refuse to love anyone and therefore not have the pain or we can decide to love and accept the pain that will result. All human relationships of the loving kind will end in pain."
Debra said, "You can't play it safe in the arena of feelings and life experience; you just won't grow."
Both are such profound statements because of their truth. We don't often stop to think about the pain that will result from loving...we either ignore it as if it wasn't there or we keep our feelings locked up to prevent the pain.
Country music is the music of philosophers. Great truths of life are wrapped in ordinary, everyday language and can sometimes be missed by those who think the genre is solely about drinking, trucks, divorce and dogs.
One of the deepest songs of all is "The Dance" by Garth Brooks:
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance The question we all face is "Do we risk loving someone knowing that the love we offer opens us up to pain?" Whether it's the pain of rejection or the pain of death, that pain is a reality and the choice to love is also the choice to risk that pain.
In the movie "Shadowlands", Jack finally realizes that he loves Joy when it's discovered that she has cancer and is facing death. At that point he makes the choice to open his heart to her, to admit his love to her and marry her in truth, knowing that she's dying.
He makes that choice wholeheartedly and embraces each moment they have left, living (as the cliche puts it) life to the fullest. He gives her the gift of his love, without holding back, knowing the pain that he faces but realizing that pain is a small price to pay for a great love.
People often quote Alfred Lord Tennyson lightly - "'
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - but the richest life lives that truth to the fullest, offering love freely, accepting the risk of pain.
"Shadowlands" could have ended in what was likely the darkest moment of Jack's life, after the death of Joy, but it doesn't. It ends with his acceptance of the pain as an acknowledgement of his love for Joy, and the knowledge that his life was made richer by loving her.
He embraces the bittersweet truth of life...we are made richer by choosing to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly. As Joy tells Jack in the golden valley, "It doesn't spoil it, it makes it real....the pain then is part of the happiness now."
At the close of "Shadowlands", Jack muses, "Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore, only the life I've lived. Twice in that life I've been given that choice; as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."
And so our lives go on....are we willing to dance, to open ourselves to love and risk the pain? Think about it...and take the chance.
A Summer Saturday
Judy is one of my closest friends. We've been friends since we were 19, so it's been about 20
years. We met at an inventory company where we both worked and eventually became roommates. Not really out of a strong friendship, but because we both wanted to move out of our parent's houses and we were the only people each other knew that needed to move.
Thus began a long friendship with two women who at first seemed to have little in common. Neither of us were Christians when we met, and Judy lived a pretty worldly lifestyle...drinking, smoking, partying, and once I became her roommate I soon began living on the fringes of that lifestyle, never doing anything really bad but certainly not living a life that honored God. Of course, since I wasn't a Christian I didn't really know better, but having always had a belief in God and a mom who raised me with strong moral values I knew there had to be something better. (I'm not going to go into detail about how I became a Christian in this post. If you'd like the details, you can visit
this page of my website.)
Our friendship spanned my becoming a Christian and Judy doing that as well a few months later, the frustrations with each other as roommates, moving into different places, becoming roommates again then moving to different places, her marriage and her having two children. Lots of life changes, and our friendship has only gotten stronger. I'm thankful for her friendship even though we don't spend as much time together as we used to before she had her two little ones.
We try to get together every so often for lunch or for a smoothie from Jamba Juice. Today we met for lunch at the Macaroni Grill at 11:30am. We chose the Macaroni Grill because I had $20 in gift cards that I'd received at work as part of the monthly Star Award incentive program, and they were my treat towards the cost of our meals.
I'd never been to the Macaroni Grill before and was very impressed with the atmosphere and selection on the menu. Our hostess was very attentive and friendly and helped keep Judy's 3 1/2 year old daughter Leanne entertained. I enjoyed the music in the background...timeless standards like Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra, and Judy and I were able to connect again after a few months where we weren't able to do lunch.
For lunch I had Mama's Trio - lasagna, chicken parmagiana and chicken canneloni. Yum!!!! My taste buds were happy
I love Italian food! I only ate about 1/3rd of the meal and brought the rest home for dinner tonight. My reason for doing that was because I wanted to indulge in dessert, and I did! I had the Cannoli Sicilian (I think that's what it was called), which was a crispy pastry shell wrapped like a tube filled with a whipped cream mixture seasoned with cinnamon and chocolate chips then covered in fudge sauce and accented with whipped cream and a sprig of mint. Bliss!
I told Judy about things going on in my life and listened to her share about hers. I think she's in a common place for many married people. She feels that her husband doesn't really care about her interests and is withdrawing from her. They don't really talk with each other much at all, either.
I hope I gave her good advice, but even more I hope I gave her the gift of listening without judgment and can continue to offer her the gift of prayer.
I'm glad we were able to get together today, and am planning to try and do this at least once a month. It's good to renew our friendship.
After lunch I came home and moved a piece of furniture out of my house onto the front lawn and put a "free" sign on it. It's still there, but I'm hoping someone takes it this weekend. It's kinda like a sideboard and has a top that slides open and a cabinet below. Really cheap with a finish that's basically wood-patterned shelf paper. My mom and stepdad gave it to me a couple of years ago.
Now my mom and stepdad are giving me a big china hutch so I needed to make room for it in the dining room, which is why the other thing is out front with the "free" sign
I still have to do some reorganizing in my dining room but it's going to look really neat once the hutch is here. I just have to figure out how to get it here!
I don't feel like watching TV right now so I have one of the Sirius channels up on Dish network. Earlier I was listening to their Carribean Rythyms channel, now it's on the Classic Vocals channel. I've been enjoying The Glenn Miller Band, Bing, Kay Miller, and more. I love music from that era!
And on that note, tonight's entry is finished
Be blessed!
It's another sultry summer evening here in Sacramento. Earlier I was laying down on the living room couch dozing while Riley was stretched out in the windowsill and Blossom was sprawled on the floor. It gets hot in my little house that has no central air. I drifted off to sleep as a fan blew warm air across me and woke up an hour later.
I was up late last night, past midnight, finishing an amazingly entertaining book. "
A Delirious Summer" by Ray Blackston. If you haven't read this book, you should. It was one of the most well-written books I've ever read, and I loved the main character, Neil. A very real Christian, human, imperfect, and genuinely willing to be used by God. The book is kinda the male version of Christian chick lit! It was a great followup to "
Flabbergasted", which I also highly recommend.
Yesterday was a good day at work. The best part for me was enjoying everyone's surprise and delight with the makings for root beer floats that I brought in. A relatively inexpensive way to spread joy! It's fun doing things like that
The US Track and Field Olympic Trials are taking place here in Sacramento at CSUS which is less than 4 miles from where I live. It's odd turning on the TV and seeing it being broadcast nationally from a place I pass on the way to and from work every day. Fun, too!
I went to the grocery store a little while ago, enjoying the warm summer evening while listening to smooth jazz in my little Neon. There's something restful and soul-satisfying about a warm summer evening, smooth jazz, a soft breeze, a sunset fading away, leaving behind a star-scattered midnight blue sky. Times like that are a gift from God, and I treasure those gifts. The only thing that would have made it even more perfect would be someone to share it with, but I'm trusting God for that one
I think I'm going to go sit in my backyard for a few minutes and soak in the peace...
