Treasures in Trials
It's not often I have a morning like today's (Thank goodness for that!). It began with the mistake of getting out of bed. Yep, it was one of those days. I should have called in sick and stayed in bed, but the naive soul that I am, I didn't, and that's where the story begins.
All seemed well, although Riley
and Blossom
were meowing a lot and Riley was on the desk begging for attention. That usually means their dish is empty so I headed to the laundry room to feed them. The dish was full of cat food...and ants. There was a swarming trail
of ants from the laundry room door to the dish. I grabbed the ant spray, opened the door and sprayed the ant trail and the threshold of the door, then used the broom to sweep the swarms of ants out of the laundry room and onto the stoop. I put the cat food bowl into an empty bag and set it outside to deal with after I'd dealt with the ants. Horrid creatures!
I went outside and carried the bag full of cat food, ants and the dish to the corner of the yard, emptied the contents and hosed down the bowl. After being sure no ants were left on the dish I brought it back to the laundry room and set it on a baking sheet filled with water, creating a moat the ants won't be able to cross. I filled the dish and Riley and Blossom were content.
I glanced and saw that I needed to change the litter box but decided to wait and do that after getting a few other things done. Big mistake. Blossom followed me into the computer room, meowing, and when I turned around she was squatting on some papers in a box peeing! Ok, I got the hint. I changed the litter right away and cleaned up her mess.
That done, I was fixing my lunch and went to get a plastic grocery bag to put everything inside, and discovered that Blossom had peed on those. So I threw those away, washed my hands again and found a safe bag to use.
At this point I was 10 minutes past the normal time I leave for work, but still could get to work on time.
On my way to work I ran into traffic, and was inching along when I glanced at the dials on the dashboard to see that the temperature gauge was slowly climbing above normal! As the speed of traffic picked up, the needle began falling, but when traffic slowed down again it began climbing and then suddenly jumped up as far as possible, then began falling again. I cleared the slowdown, praying it wasn't a major problem, and as I picked up speed the needle fell back to normal and stayed there the rest of the way to work. (I found out on my way home that the problem is a hole in the antifreeze reservoir. Prayerfully not too expensive to fix.)
Thankfully the parking place I use was still empty (shady all day!) so I parked there and headed into the office. I hadn't yet put the facts together to realize this wasn't a good morning.
Upon getting to my desk I had a proofer come to me about some stuff that happened while I was out, and it wasn't good stuff. Not major problems, but minor headaches. I talked with one of the team leads upstairs to find out what had happened.
I'd also discovered that my computer had been upgraded to XP, but the upgrade was a case of switching a new CPU for my old one, and migrating my documents to the new computer, along with all my emails. Everything looked fine with the emails, but when I went to open a file I'd been working on Thursday, I discovered that none of my subfolders in My Documents had been transferred to this computer, and all my files were GONE! I nearly cried.
I emailed one of the IT guys asking him if it was possible for the files to be retrieved, then I sat at my desk trying to stay calm and sane.
I followed that email up with an email to my supervisor asking for some vacation time off in October for a get-together with some friends from the singles forum on
Crosswalk.com and got the reply that my vacation wouldn't be approved since I didn't have the time currently accrued. This was not good. I asked for clarification from my supervisor and got the same answer. It was too much. I had to go out to my car for some privacy, to cry a little, vent some frustration and pray. That helped, and I went back inside and emailed the manager of our group asking for more clarification.
I then headed to another suite to look for some files, and on the way there, one of the straps on my right sandal broke. I couldn't believe it. What else could go wrong? There was a good thing about this particular bad thing...I brought another pair of sandals to work with me that I'd planned to wear while walking, so that base was covered. I'm thankful I did that today
Other good things happened. IT was able to retrieve all my files. The vacation policy was cleared up and it's basically approved but I have to have the hours accrued at that time in order to take the full time off I've requested, which I will.
Today was a day that challenged me with one of the hardest lessons I'm still working on learning, and that's turning to God in prayer when I get frustrated and upset instead of keeping it all inside and letting it boil up in a torrent of tears, frustration and anger.
It also reminds me of something I read in a book by Gary and Norma Smalley, regarding looking for treasures in trials. While I wouldn't consider today a major trial, in many ways those small trials have just as much impact...maybe even more! It's easy to do the right thing when it's a big issue or to have faith in God during those big trials because it's obvious we need His help, but when it comes to those little trials we seem to think we have to handle them, and that the outcome of them relies on us, not Him. Too often I'm like Saul, kicking against the goads, struggling and angry, and in the end all I've gained is exhaustion and a headache.
I need to learn patience and acceptance in these times...not the dull resignation of apathy, but an active faith that believes and trusts that no matter what, God is in control, and whatever happens is to His glory. A faith that can quietly rest in His hands and which lets me continue in quiet confidence, surrounded by His peace.
The treasure in today's trials is that God cares, even about little things, and that the best thing I can do is to pray and let go of the frustrations and stress, leaving them in His capable hands.
Deep Thoughts...
Sometimes I feel like I know a greater truth deep down inside that I've barely begun to grasp. The truth that life is more than myself, more than what I see, and that I'm living on the fringe of an eternity that has always been, in which I have a role, however small, that's woven into the ages.
And then I realize that the tenor of my life has a greater purpose that I may never see here on this earth, and that nothing I've gone through is without divine purpose, be it good or bad. And that my choice to trust and obey in the bad times as well as the good is somehow part of that greater truth, and that someday I'll stand before a Being of such divine goodness, justice and mercy that my heart will faint from fear, from the knowledge of my selfishness, my complete and utter unworthiness, and yet my heart will rejoice at the sheer joy of being in the presence of such love and holiness.
In those moments I feel the flow of eternity, the sense that I also am an eternal being living in this chrysalis - my body, this life on earth - and that it's but a small stage in this life given to me by God - and then that moment slips from my fingers and I'm once again lost in the ordinary business of living, the prosaic routines of work and responsibilities. The light that momentarily slipped through a crack in the chrysalis vanishes and that glimpse of eternity is lost. But not really, because that glimpse becomes part of the fabric of my being, and I know - I
know! that there is purpose in my life, there is meaning, and that nothing I do is ever lost.
